The car ride

Ricka turned twenty-one yesterday. Memories of her babyhood and beyond blasted me. “The days are long, but the years are short,” people like to say when littles are little. Enjoy this story from one of those long days many summers ago.

*****

Twenty years ago, when episodes of Veggie Tales, sippy cups of apple juice, orchestrated naps, and jaunts to the park defined our days, I shook up the summer schedule and planned a visit to Grammy and Grandpa’s house. Back then, we only had Flicka and Ricka, and they were both in diapers, but Husband would join me on the trip this time. The thought of his help smoothed tension from my neck.

The day of our departure, we buckled the babies into their car seats and set out on the six-hour trek to northern Minnesota. But only three hours in, the girls started fussing.

“I think they’re getting tired of sitting,” I said.

Husband adjusted the radio and wrinkled his nose. “Smells like someone needs a new diaper.”

I glanced into the back and sniffed. “I think you’re right. Let’s stop soon.”

The car gobbled up the miles as we scanned the landscape for a rest stop. The stench increased, and the girls’ squawks became strident. I reached back to play with their toes, but when Ricka pumped her legs, I saw something dark seep from her diaper.

I gasped and snapped my focus to Husband. “You’ve gotta pull over right now.”

He shot me a look. “Why?”

“Apparently she’s not feeling well.” I described the scene.

He flipped on the blinker and swerved onto an exit for Fergus Falls. After surveying our options just off the ramp, he careened into the Walmart parking lot.

As soon as Husband threw the vehicle into park, I bailed and yanked open the back door on Ricka’s side. He turned off the ignition, hopped out, and opened the other door to check on Flicka. I unclasped Ricka and lifted her out, holding her at arm’s length. Her car seat was a soupy mess.

“Uh-oh.” The sight triggered my gag reflex. “I’m gonna need some help.”

Husband peeked into Flicka’s diaper. “Whoa. Same thing here.” He unbuckled her, his face contorting. “It’s bad.”

As he pulled her out, sickness poured from her diaper too.

Frantic, I darted a look around the car, taking inventory. An old bath towel, some wet wipes, a battered roll of paper towels shoved under a seat—a pittance when what we really needed was a bathtub. Or a garden hose.

“Where to start?” I looked from the car seats to the girls—and back again.

Husband bunched his lips to one side. “Let’s lay them on the ground and clean them up.”

“Okay.”

With Ricka in one arm, I tossed the diaper bag onto the pavement. I flopped the towel onto the parking lot’s asphalt. With only a few cars parked nearby, at least we wouldn’t perform for a big audience. But daylight flirted with the encroaching darkness; we would need to make quick work of it all by dusk.

I set Ricka on the towel, and Husband planted Flicka next to her. The girls tried to squirm away. I noticed Husband’s shirt, smeared from the rescue effort, and I gagged again.

“Come on.” He cocked his head and skewered me with a look. “Pull it together.”

I coughed and bit my lip. “I’m trying.”

I flipped open the lid of wet wipes and jerked out a string of seven. Was that all we had left? I let out a bitter laugh; our battle appeared as fruitful as sopping up a lake with a Kleenex.

Husband shifted into commander mode. “You go in and buy more wipes. I’ll try to keep these two from rolling around in it. Go.”

I nodded and jumped to my feet. Stumbling into the store, I forced myself to think about the Twinkies on display inside the front door—or anything else, really—instead of the hopeless filth I had just deserted. I drew a deep breath, jogged to the baby department, scooped up a load of baby wipes and hand sanitizer, and hurtled through the checkout line, tossing my debit card at the cashier.

Back outside in the fading day, Husband and I hurried to wipe down the girls. I rifled through their bags for clean clothes and new diapers in a race against time and muck.

An older woman approached. Her face twisted into a smile, and she snorted. “Been there, done that,” she said as she clipped by us. I heard one more chuckle before she disappeared inside the store.

Husband and I looked at each other. He shook his head.

“Real nice, lady,” I muttered, “real nice.”

At last, we climbed back into the car and chugged onward. Hours passed, the little ones snoozed, and the long miles eased away our parking lot trauma.

As soon as we arrived at our destination, I made a beeline for the laundry room. Husband followed me, and together—in the bag of yuck—we found what we had been missing earlier. There, wadded up in the soiled laundry, were our senses of humor. A little rumpled maybe, but good enough to get us through.

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.

Thoughts on bread: Part 2

Yesterday I walked with Flicka. Bread came to mind again as we rounded the path by Kordiak Park. Last week, I promised my blog readers something to chew on today. I had written about crumbs turning into mouthfuls, but where were they now, these new bites to enjoy together?

“I’m writing about bread tomorrow,” I said, and my girl already knew what I meant. “But I’m coming up empty. Any ideas?”

Cast your bread upon the waters...

“Hm,” she said. “Let me think about that.”

But the words dropped into my spirit again, and I knew I already had my answer. “What does ‘Cast your bread upon the waters’ mean to you?”

We talked about the ancient sentence, fresh to me now. I searched online as we strode along.

Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. Give a portion to seven, or even to eight, for you know not what disaster may happen on earth.

Later at home, I tasted my options. It seemed the implied wisdom was to diversify one’s investments. A few commentaries suggested as much. But I considered the mindset behind the instruction, the upside-down ways of the Bread of Life in a place where consumed years will be restored and losing one’s life means finding it.

What if giving to others was a kind of insurance plan? What if safety and provision were guarantees for my investment? What if giving meant gaining? Or, what if giving meant gaining but not in the way I expected?

I couldn’t see the future—or how my casting would go.

But I could see the waters before me.

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.


Thoughts on bread: Part 1

Give us this day our daily bread.

“We don’t want just our daily bread,” a friend said, adding to my thoughts. “We want that, plus an extra loaf or two to throw in the freezer.”

Ah, the security of the freezer bread. Maybe that’s the thing we work for when what we need is what we have in front of us on the counter. And what’s in front of us is enough for today.

I think of provision—having what I need when I need it. And I discover bread is much more than the baked dough you find in cellophane at the grocery store.

My weekly blog has chugged along for almost eight years now, and it's taught me a thing or two about daily bread. At first, writing ideas came easy. I had a huge store of them in my creative freezer. Often, though, my supply dwindles. And I fear I don’t have enough to offer my people.

But in the quiet each morning with My Portion, a crumb comes in.

I chew on it, savoring it, and find it’s a mouthful. Soon, it fills my stomach. Wait. I actually have enough for me and enough to feed others who come to meet with me.

I love art but celebrate the beauty of a blank wall too. Behind the dining room table is a twelve-foot-tall expanse that’s still empty. You can’t see it yet, but a plan already lives there. Husband and Flicka conceived the idea for a huge painting for the space, its massive frame made from crown molding. In a small font, Husband will paint the following words in the center of the canvas:

“Have the people sit down.” Jesus

And it’s all about the miracle that follows that invitation—the fives loaves, the two fish, the feeding of the five thousand, the twelve baskets of leftovers, the more than enough—a miracle in the hands of The Bread of Life Himself.

I call this blog installment Part 1, knowing full well I don’t have Part 2 yet. But there will be a crumb for next week that turns into a mouthful that’s enough to fill a stomach. And we'll eat together again.

Give us this day our daily bread.

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.


A life well-loved

It’s been eight days since we said goodbye to Lala, our dog. I’ve been cleaning this week—a bittersweet task—washing rugs and vacuuming her hair from the tufts in the couch and everywhere else I couldn’t get ahead of in her almost twelve years with us. As I work, I think of her life.

Lala was a miracle dog. She survived the North Minneapolis tornado of 2011 as an abandoned puppy. Someone scooped her up and brought her to an animal rescue, and we adopted her on June 5, 2011. The five month old was skinny and missing fur in patches from mites and neglect, but it’s amazing what food, meds, and love can do.

On December 2, 2020, a car going 40 mph on our residential street hit Lala. By a miracle, she lived, with only bruises to show from the incident. And God gave us twenty more months with her.

A sharp decline in Lala’s health shocked us last week. The vet at the emergency clinic ran tests, and our girl was already unresponsive as we listened to the news of advanced cancer throughout her body. We untethered her from our lives that same day, August 3, 2022, the farewell necessary and heartbreaking.

Today, we’re grateful. We’re grateful for the beginning, the middle, and even the ending, knowing the gift of her life was good.

Enjoy this photo album today of a life well-loved.


Our Lala

They say pit bulls live about twelve years, maybe thirteen.

But our dog, Lala, was eleven years and seven months old when she passed away at Allied Emergency Veterinary Service in Minneapolis yesterday, August 3, 2022, in the early afternoon. We circled her blanket-bed at the clinic, telling her what a good girl she was and how we’d love her forever, and rested our hands on her until she left us.

In the past few days, Lala’s health decline spun so fast my heart has vertigo this morning. Next week I’ll post a little tribute to our faithful girl, but today we’re embracing our sadness over here at our place, sitting with our hurt for a while.

Here’s a picture, taken on September 21, 2021, of an ordinary day with Lala.

Yes, life is short.






The proposal: He said

Husband proposed to me on January 8, 1992. We married on July 18 that same year.

Every story has two sides. This week, he tells his.

***

“You need to take the day off from work January 8,” I said, “because that’s the last day of a special showing at the Minneapolis Institute of Art.”

Tamara acted like she was excited. I had spent several weeks painting her picture, and I was going to see if the Minneapolis Institute of Art would let me prop it in a corner somewhere, so I would walk by and let her see it, and when she did, I would propose to her. But when I made these plans, I didn’t have permission from the MIA yet. After she had already taken the day off, I found out they wouldn’t let me do it for insurance reasons, so I had to come up with a new plan. Since I had to kill a couple hours before our dinner reservations now, and we were already dressed up, and Tamara had told me at one time it would be fun to get dressed up and go bowling, I decided that’s what we would do.

And that’s where everything went wrong.

On the big day, I picked Tamara up and explained the special showing was no longer in existence, and that we couldn’t go. She was unhappy because she had taken the day off from work for that specific reason. I told her I had a different surprise. I blindfolded her, and we headed for the bowling alley. But when we got there, she saw where we were, and I could tell this wasn’t going to be a good replacement for the art museum. Even though at one point she said it was something that would’ve been fun, it wasn’t something fun today because she had a blister and was wearing a really tight skirt. So, we bowled one unhappy game. Finally, it was time for dinner, and I thought, “Maybe things will be better from here on out.”

It didn’t get better.

“Maybe we end it here and go home,” I said.

“But I took the day off,” she said. “I don’t want to go home this early.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t care. Something.”

“Fine. Let’s go to a movie. What movie?”

“I don’t care,” she said.

Out of spite, I picked Bruce Willis’ The Last Boy Scout.

When the movie was over, our moods were still as dark as the theater. She, because she didn’t like the movie or anything that had happened during the date, and I, because nothing had turned out the way I hoped.

We drove back to her house in Dinkytown. I was trying to decide what to do because this seemed like a really poor proposal date, but when we got to her house, I saw the painting propped in her window surrounded by candles lit by her brother. She hadn’t noticed it, so I thought I could salvage the date by carrying her through the slush and snow, so she didn’t ruin her shoes. I would take her into her room, so she could see the painting, I decided, and then I would ask her to marry me.

She said yes, and everything’s been better since.

The proposal painting. Oil on canvas, 20” x 26”

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.


The proposal: She said

Husband proposed to me on January 8, 1992. We married on July 18 that same year.

Every story has two sides. This week, I tell mine.

*****

“We’re here,” Boyfriend said. “You can look now.”

I peeled off the bandana blindfold. The University of Minnesota, St. Paul campus.

He hopped out of the driver’s seat and came around to the passenger side to open my door. He guided me through January’s winds into the student center, down the stairs, and into the bowling alley in the basement. He plunked down cash for one game and two pairs of shoes. I frowned, eyeing my too-snug dress.

When I had taken the day off from my job at the Marie Sandvik Center at Boyfriend’s request, it was for a visit to a special exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Art. For some reason, though, the plan had fizzled. Was this the alternative? Bowling?

Boyfriend waved a hand for me to throw the first ball. One, two, three, slide—just like the old 1950s instructional video in gym class, only 100% less impressive. Unable to bend over much in my dress, I squatted awkwardly, and as I released the ball, I remembered my thumb, its skin bubbled from a run-in with a searing pan of curly fries the previous night at Kids’ Club at work. The blister ripped away, and I gasped. Gutter ball.

“No big deal,” Boyfriend said, gazing at my still-standing pins.

“I don’t really care about my score.” I raised my raw thumb for him to see.

He sucked air through his teeth. “Ouch.”

For nine more frames, I tried to bowl without using the finger holes, and he tried to play while walking on eggshells.

“Let’s go to dinner,” he said, his tone flat.

Our reserved table at Muffuletta in the Park was dim and intimate. Music from a violinist and a cellist soothed my stinging thumb, and the decadent food spirited away the evening’s bumpy start.

I dabbed my mouth and gazed at Boyfriend over the flickering candle. We had talked about marrying in the near future. Would tonight be the night for the proposal? Should I chew more carefully to avoid chomping down on an engagement ring in the dessert?

“Too bad things started out the way they did,” I said.

“You weren’t too happy.”

“I wish I had known about the bowling. I could’ve dressed for it.”

“You told me you wanted to dress up and go bowling sometime.” He set down his glass. “Remember?”

I narrowed my eyes. “When?”

“Forget it.” Boyfriend waved down our server and asked for our check and for a to-go box for the dessert I was too full to finish. “Maybe we call it a night?”

A museum trip canceled in favor of bowling, and now a beautiful dinner that seemed like a precursor to a gift of jewelry, but no proposal? Was he canceling that too?

“Already? It’s too early to go home.”

The server returned with a tin foil swan that had swallowed my carrot cake.

“So, what then? A movie?”

I shrugged. “I guess.”

But on the way to the movie theater, the car filled with old and new thorns, and the more we struggled through them, the more they tore at our attitudes. My thumb throbbed.

At the theater, Boyfriend shoved some cash under the little window. “Two tickets for The Last Boy Scout,” he said, not looking at me.

On the screen, Bruce Willis strutted around with a gun, doing something heroic for almost two hours, but I rewound the mental footage from our date. Maybe Boyfriend’s request that I take the day off from work on a Wednesday for a day full of surprises didn’t have any special meaning attached to it. Maybe it was just a date.

On the ride home, silence blasted us. We pulled into the driveway of my house in Dinkytown. Regret—heavier than my winter coat—settled on my shoulders. The thorns from earlier were really only prickles, and I should’ve seen it then.

Boyfriend came around to my side again and opened the door. He held out a gloved hand, and I took it. He scooped me up into his arms.

“So you won’t ruin your shoes,” he said.

And I thought of his nice shoes as he carried me through the driveway’s slushy snow.

Inside the house, he set me down in the foyer and kissed me. He opened the door to my room, letting me enter first. Candlelight warmed the space. By the window was a painting—of me.

My vision blurred. “You did this?” I spun to face him.

But he was already on one knee, offering me his future.

A week before our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, Husband told me not to schedule anything on the big day.

“I have plans. And don’t even try guessing,” he said, “but pick a dress you can move in.”

I tried to nibble away a smile. “I think I know where this is going.”

The morning of our anniversary, we bowled a game at the student center at the University of Minnesota, St. Paul campus. My dress felt good—and so did my thumb. Lunch at Muffuletta was just right, and the movie Lost in Paris made us laugh. We drove by my old place in Dinkytown and asked the renter’s permission to snap a picture in the driveway. Husband scooped me up in his arms again.

When we returned home, Husband kissed me and opened the door to our house, letting me enter first. No candles needed today; our years together warmed the space. On the wall was a new painting—of me.

“I had it commissioned,” he said. “This was the inspiration.”

He showed me a photo on his cell phone. Me in the purple dress from our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary.

My vision blurred. Life was bigger and better than the too-tight skirts, the blisters, the thorns, and the prickles along the way.

I turned to face him. And there he was, still offering me his future.

The anniversary painting. Oil on canvas, 15” x 30”, by artist Rachel Orman.

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.


All things new

I have a friend who loves rundown buildings of grandeur. The beauty of deterioration calls to me too. It’s everywhere in the world’s architecture, but today Husband and I refresh our memories in a place nearby. He presses the brakes, pulling the truck over in front of one of our favorites: the historic C.A. Smith Lumber Company on Lyndale Avenue North in Minneapolis. We climb out and stroll the grounds of “the castle building.” Years before it was a trend, Husband dreamed of living in an old warehouse. And he dreams of it still.

“Can you imagine having a bedroom up there?” He points at the turret of the Machine Specialties building with its arched windows.

“I could handle that.” And I think of writing in that circular room too because nothing but elegance could emerge from a place like that.

We wander the connected property to the north, the Compo-Board Company, again. And I snap pictures this time too. In one spot, crumbling bricks jut out of the foundation like barnacles on a ship. Sheets of rusted, corrugated steel hang like curtains on part of the structure. And on all sides of the building, different colors, materials, and shapes harmonize. Here, like in humanity, diversity sings.

A pang of longing strikes me. The beauty I see in the disintegration, the dilapidation, the decomposition is fleeting. Why can’t it always be this way—even after this life? Eternity would be lovelier with this kind of decay, wouldn’t it?

Behold, I make all things new.

The faithful and true promise of heaven’s newness comforts me when injustice, abuse, and hatred seem to be winning. Still, do away with mankind’s darkness, yes, but can’t the old architecture stay? The rough wood with its history? The rusted metals with their stories? The ancient bricks with their wisdom?

I only think these thoughts, though, because I’m still in my earthly skin on this side of forever. And I know I can’t comprehend the beauty that’s coming.

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.

A stock photo of an abandoned place. And beauty sings through it anyway.

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.


Fireworks

Like any other kid in the 1970s, as dusk fell on that momentous night, my excitement mounted. Inside the house, Mom swiped cream cheese onto Ritz crackers and scooped vanilla ice cream into the American flag glasses that lived on the top shelf of the cupboard the other 364 days of the year. She poured root beer over the creamy frozen treat, and we kids grabbed the frothy drinks and headed outside into the steamy remains of the day. The mosquitos, those faithful attendees of the party each year, came over—and my brother’s friends too, who rolled up on banana seat bikes for the fireworks show.

After the obligatory safety lesson (I think Dad knew someone who had lost a finger or nose to pyrotechnics), it was time for the grand display. I don’t recall anything as fancy as a Roman candle at our place, but we oohed at the whistly spinners and aahed over the crackling balls. Next, Dad ignited the firecrackers. Brother and friends whipped snappers onto the cement, their satisfying bang synonymous in my mind with freedom. And they lit those snakes that foamed into a charred curl and stank like rotten eggs, leaving a stain on the driveway to remind us later of the evening’s fun. The rest of the night we slapped at mosquitos and frolicked in the front yard, trying to light the sparklers that burned out as fast as our root beer floats. And the fireflies blinked over the ditch on our property, giving their own show for all who might see.

Later in life, I traveled the world. I witnessed fireworks in Las Vegas, New Orleans, New York City, Paris. Those displays were extravagant and otherworldly, sucking the breath from my lungs. But none of them equaled the little—yet larger-than-life—celebration of Independence Day at our ranch-style house on the edge of town in Middle River, Minnesota.

And the memories? They spark brightest of all. But you already knew that.


The reading list of '95

A time of rest calls to me.  

Oh, I’ll keep working and checking off household duties too as they arise, but I’ll allow my soul a time of ease. I think of reading now for my Sabbath summer, and the term beach read floats to mind. What does it mean? A languid book? A breezy romance or fluffy mystery? A novel with a pair of bare legs next to a suitcase in the sand on its cover?  

I recall the summer of 1995, the three sizzling months before I graduated from the University of North Dakota that December, and how I committed the season to reading. I asked a few people for recommendations, trekked to actual libraries to fetch physical volumes, and dove into them.  

I dig out my old diary now to remember the titles, and sure enough, I listed them all. Only a few of those books would I classify as beach reads, but I treated them all as such—like sugary vacations from meaty reality. And because location matters, I even shoved open the living room window in our second-story married housing unit and climbed out, using the nearby entryway’s roof as a step stool to the real thing. The asphalt shingles were no beach, but they would do—and did—for as long as I could stand the piercing arrows of the day. 

Here’s my summer of ‘95 reading list (with the authors): 

The Prince of Tides, Pat Conroy 

The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway 

The World According to Garp, John Irving 

The Red and the Black, Stendhal 

Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend, Robert James Waller 

The Awakening, Kate Chopin 

Gift from the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh 

The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger 

The Bridal Wreath, The Mistress of Husaby, The Cross (all in the Kristin Lavransdatter trilogy), Sigrid Undset (In some places, these titles are simply The Wreath, The Wife, The Cross

A Year in Provence, Peter Mayle 

Night, Elie Wiesel 

The Princess of Clèves, Madame de La Fayette 

Many Waters, Madeleine L’Engle 

 

Happy reading, all! May your summer nights be short because of it!  

More discoveries

And the discoveries in our new house continue.

They’re not as thrilling as learning of the bomb shelter under our garage and later locating it, but they’ll do.

Last week, Husband’s weed whacking uncovered a horseshoe pit, and my weed plucking unveiled autumn sedum, roses, hostas, ferns, and Snow on the Mountain. A visiting aunt of mine even spotted an apple tree in our yard, the variety of which we're unsure.

I might add legend has it the original owner of the place in 1973, a stockbroker and gambler, built hiding places into the house to stash his money before fleeing in the middle of the night one night in '84. But that may or may not be a story for another day.

For now, enjoy our growing things.


Discoveries (part 2, I guess)

I didn’t intend to turn last week’s blog installment into a two-parter, but you readers are adventurous and curious souls, and you spurred me on into searching for the bomb shelter. For that I thank you. Enjoy part two today.

*****

“Where’s your sense of curiosity?” Our friend Todd said when word of our possible bomb shelter slipped out over gyros last Saturday night.

“I don’t know. We’ve been busy?” I said. “Wanna go and look now?”

Todd and his wife Trixie left their food and traipsed downstairs with me. I opened the door to the storage closet under the stairs, the only possibility I had seen that could lead to the shelter. I pointed at a piece of plywood propped over an opening inside the closet. I heard Husband, tinkering around with dishes in the kitchen upstairs, his curiosity level apparently matching mine.

“Go ahead and look behind it, if you want,” I said. “If it’s anywhere, it’s behind there.”

Todd hunched over to fit into the closet and crouched in front of the wood covering. A sliver of dread poked me, but Trixie and I followed anyway, armed with a battery-operated lantern.

Todd wrestled away the makeshift door and hollered. Trixie and I screamed, and from upstairs, Husband belted out something in response. Todd laughed.

“Just kidding,” he said, “but there it is. It’s awesome.”

The void—about a hundred square feet, maybe bigger—smelled of dank dungeon. Inside were a few items: a commode-like chair, two five-gallon buckets, and a bag of something weird. Todd jumped about four feet down into the space. Suddenly Husband was there, taking the bag from Todd.

“What is that?” I said, wrinkling my nose at what appeared to be a sack of water.

“Something that pulled the moisture out of the place, it looks like,” Husband said.

We spent time gazing at our new-to-us square footage, but only Todd actually walked around in it.

Later that night in bed, I thought about the two five-gallon buckets. What could be inside them? Stacks of cash? Gold bars? It was possible, wasn’t it?

By morning, my curiosity was fully roused. I summoned Flicka.

“Hey, wanna go down into the bomb shelter and check out what’s in those two buckets?” I said, realizing it was a sentence I had never before spoken in my life.

“Sure,” she said.

I held the lantern while I watched my oldest kid drop into the musty mystery room. She pried the top off the first bucket. Why was the lid rusty if it was plastic? Nervousness rattled me.

“Ew,” she said, peering inside.

At the bottom of the pail was a charred black substance. She replaced the cover and tugged the lid off the second one. Inside was a black liquid.

“Ew,” she said again, grimacing.

She replaced the second cover, brushed off her hands, and climbed out of the hole.

The End.

What do you make of that?

The weird bag.

The bomb shelter.

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.


Discoveries

And the dream comes again.

I’m living in a house where I discover new rooms—hidden parts I’ve never seen before. Those rooms, while dusty, contain all my favorites: vintage furniture, retro lamps, Persian rugs, framed paintings. I know my house, though. How could I have missed these secret places?

In real life, I know our new house too. I’ve seen it all—or so I believe.

One day, while I assess the many boxes, Husband enters the room. I frown, waving an arm over all the totes we need to keep—even after all the donating and tossing. “We’ll have to get shelving in the downstairs for all of this.”

He shrugs. “Well, what you don’t need often you can always store upstairs in the shed.”

Never mind that the building he calls the shed I call the pool house. He delivers this information like I know we have an upstairs in that structure out back. My thoughts flip with happiness. Another storage area to enjoy? How was I only learning this now?

I climb a ladder to open the barn-like door into the upper level of the pool house. The sight inside delights me. It’s clean, empty, and large. The girls and I hump containers out of the house. We plot and execute a strategy to muscle those beasts up the ladder and into the space. And the pool house swallows my material burdens.

We invite our new next-door neighbors over for dinner. The conversation is easy, entertaining. Over tacos, we discuss neighborhood trivia and laugh about our families’ commonalities. Husband and I share the exact wedding anniversary—date and year—of the mom and dad, and our three girls almost match their three boys in age.

What intrigues me most, though, is their acquaintance with our house—their knowledge of the history of the place we now call home. We learn details about the previous homeowners, but after The Upstairs Of The Pool House Discovery, at least we know the rest of our abode—or so I think.

“So,” the woman says, taking a bite of pineapple upside-down cake, “is there still a bomb shelter under your garage?”

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.


A garden

Evil subtracted more people from the world this week. Sickened, saddened, and infuriated are just a few adjectives I’d apply to myself. The bloodguiltiness of this nation overwhelms me. It always has, actually.

The following blog installment is one I’ve posted twice before. For worse or for better (yes, I have to view it in that order to maintain my sanity), it’s always relevant.

May the Light warm you today.

*****

The rain streak just ended. No more excuses.

The grass is bushy now and as tangled as my thoughts; I can think straighter when the lawn is cut. Other people have already planted their splashy annuals and lovely perennials, but not me. Yet.

I break free of my eternal captors—the calendar and the clock, the deadlines and the doing—and head out to the back yard. With hands on my hips, I survey what winter concealed. New green things poke up from the flower beds—some desirable, others not so much.

I imagine how it used to be when The Gardener planted the garden in the east, in Eden, and in the cool of the day strolled through its lushness with the world’s first people. They were all friends back then—back before weeds and pesticides, suicide and depressed kids, CT scans and chemo. Before the dirt in our jeans and the stains in our souls.

I sigh now because of The Incident in that ancient garden. It happened too soon, and the rift between The Gardener and humanity has left a mark. The cosmic divorce was as messy as they come. And along with all the other groanings, we sweat and dig harder into the earth to make pretty things emerge. Not like before The Break-Up when beauty came easy.

A pool of light warms my dog Lala, slabbed out on the pavement, her nose twitching for information about her surroundings even as she dozes. And the scene reminds me all is not lost. The Son shone on the ancient garden too—even after The Split—promising us a future garden, if we want it.

On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.

It started in a garden, and it ends in a garden. But for now, I work the soil while I wait.

*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka.